| Blog for a Cure - A community of cancer survivors supporting each other. | Log in |
 |
 |
|
|
 monica1967's Cancer BlogNovember 11, 2008
Hello friends, After my diagnosis and continued medical care all these months, I have said all along, “I can’t wait to feel better & get my life back!”. Well, the time has come. I am returning to work tomorrow. I have mixed feelings…I have been out of the loop for so long…I don’t think I will remember a thing. It has been 11 months away from work. I work in a mens state prison. I have missed my fellow nurses, it will be good to see them again, but most of all I miss my pay checks! Even with insurance I still have medical bills to pay. However, I am grateful for what insurance did pay. I can’t even imagine what the bills would be like if we were uninsured. I hope my body can handle the 40+ hour work weeks and the stress that goes along with working in a prison. I feel like I should be more grateful that I even have a job to return to…I know there are many that are losing their jobs and those that are still going through treatment and those that are just too sick to work. I am blessed to be feeling well & will just take it one day at a time. That is all I can do… I don’t know why I am feeling so much apprehension. Thanks for listening to me ramble. I just needed to get my thoughts out. Thanks to all of you for being there for me. This site has been a Godsend! The support and compassion that I recieved here is invaluable. Thanks again from the bottom of my heart. I will still be popping in…it just may take a little bit of time for me to get back into the swing of things. Love to all, Monica
October 24, 2008
Greetings my fellow bloggers, I just wanted to post an update of my CT scan & blood work. I also wanted to thank all of you that replied to my last post when I was a nervous wreck about the testing & waiting for the results. CT scan was clear (HALLELUJAH!), most of my lab work was good. There is one test that is still pending (serum chromogranin A). I don’t know why it is still pending…all my lab work was done on the same day. That is the blood test for the carcinoid tumors, which has me a bit worried. I am trying to think positive…maybe it just takes longer to process that test or there was a glitch in the lab. Who knows… For the most part, it is all good news & I am thrilled! I am so relieved my CT was clear. Thanks again to all of you for calming my nerves. Blessings Galore! Monica Dear Monica; That is a relief. Now you can get on with the day and have some fun. It is normal to worry about these thing considering it is our health, but I find it is too tiring to worry about something that may be fine, and look at all the energy used up. Easy to say I know but it takes a learning curve to calm ourselves down and just go on living until we meet the Dr. for our reports. I hope this last blood test comes clean. Good news so far! You must be releived to heat CT scan results. Yay! I hope your one blood work also comes back clean. Try to relax (I know it is sooo much easier to say it than practice it!) and have a great weekend! Hugs, Monica! It’s been a while since I have been in touch. I’m just going through the hard part right now, but you are always in my thoughts. I’m happy to hear your CT scan came out clear. That is fantastic new! Now go have some fun! This is wonderful news! Sonia Monica, thank you for your kind words and encouragement! it took a lot for me to decide to start the anti-depressants and every single person i told today just told me that it was the worst idea ever and that it would only make me worse or suicidal…they are idiots. i don’t believe they are right and your opinion matters more to me because you at least have an inkling of what i’m going through because you’ve experienced cancer as well. it is so hard to admit i might need some extra help in my own head. i feel relieved that maybe i can get some peace. today while i was waiting in the examination room, another patient came in to say goodbye to everyone and she was laughing and joyful…i started crying right there because sometimes lately i feel like it will be a chore just to laugh and be joyful for the rest of my life. it is a shock to even be thinking that to myself…don’t get me wrong – i’m laughing at things throughout the day and making jokes and trying to be lighthearted but my heart feels so heavy it outweighs everything. it is not who i am at all. it is not who i want to be….and yet it is how i feel. i know this will pass eventually but i just can’t seem to stop the negative and panicky thoughts in my head and heart right now…so i do feel like taking medication is the best idea right now and i do really appreciate your agreement. -audrey
October 14, 2008
I am feeling anxious. My nerves have been shot all day. Tomorrow morning I will be leaving at 0630 to make the 2 1/2 hour trek to get to the imaging center for my CT scan. There is so much riding on this scan. If there is any sign that the cancer has returned, I will proceed directly to chemo. I was diagnosed with cancer in January and here it is October—I really need to get back to work & back to living my life. I feel like the last 10 months of my life have been on hold. I have been living in fear, from one scan to the next. I pray that this scan comes out clear & free of any tumors. Any & all prayers are greatly appreciated. Thank you to all my blogging buddies for keeping me sane the last couple of months. I will keep you posted on the results of the CT. I had better get started on my contrast (gag). Love & hugs, Monica Hi there, Hope all goes well for you. I will send good thoughts your way. Hug Sherri I will be praying for you this morning! Hang in there. Monica, Big Hugs, I am thinking of you. I hope all goes well with your scan. Monica; Just became your supporter. Sometimes it takes a while for me to go to the general posts to see who has joined. I support a lot of people so I am answering their posts first before I get to the general box. Monica, I read your daughter’s essay. It was so dear. My daughter is 19 but was 17 when I was diagnosed. She too has been amazing. You are so lucky to have such a wonderful daughter. Daughters are the best gift we can have when we need love, care and support. Sounds like you have nurtured a very special relationship. She is a treasure. Let us know your results. We are here for you. Gaile in Sacto Thank you all so much for your comments. It means so much to me to have you all here. Just knowing you understand is so comforting. I had my CT scan yesterday and this morning I went to have my blood drawn. Now I just sit and wait. I will be sure to keep you all posted. Hugs to all, Monica Monica, Take care,
|
|
My Supporters:
Blog for a Cure InfoBlog for a Cure spends about $200 a month to keep this site up and running.
|
Posted on 
Posted on 
Posted on 
Posted on 
Posted on 
Posted on 
Posted on 
Posted on 
Posted on 
Posted on 
Thanks for your support -
Dear Monica,
I returned to work this past Monday, after only 2 months away. It is an adjustment, for sure, but I can feel myself “clicking” back in, slowly. I went back on a graduated schedule (4 hours per day this week, 5 hours per day next week…) to work up to full time. Is this something you might be able to work out at your workplace? I’m finding it’s a very self-supportive way to do “re-entry.”
Best of luck on your return to work. Keep us up to date!
Peace,
Kathy
I am so glad that you are feeling well enough to return to work. I will be praying that God will not give you more than you can handle. Keep in touch.
Take Care,
Jalene
Monica,
Congratulations on going back to work! Wow, you definitely have a tough job! I can see that you feel a little apprehended about going right back to 40 hours a week. But I have a feeling you will be adjusting back in no time. I will be thinking about you and praying that the transition will be as smooth as it can be.
Hugs,
Yuyu
Dear Monica;
Well the time has come for all good things to come to an end and start a new fresher path, back to work with all your colleagues. I’m sure it will take a few weeks to get into the swing of things, and you will likely be quite tired when you get home. However, I think the commraderie, and the time usefully done, to bring your pay cheque home will be enough of a reward. I hope you won’t tire too much because that could set you back. You just have to monitor yourself and be vigilant in recognizing your limits. Ok, now for some good news, you get to treat yourself to something you always wanted. Go for it.
Weezie
Hey Monica
Glad to hear that your treatments went so well.
Yes we know that it has not been an easy time of it but maybe you should think about going backto work or maybe 2 or three days a week to get started off.. i know that you need the money but make sure that you do not overdo it, Ok
But glad to hear that you are going back to work and come back often as there maybe someone who will need your encouragement for them to continue on…
Have a safe and happy life and thanks for sharing with all of us
Monica!
Hooray for you! It does sound like a lot to jump right back in, but going back to work is spectacular news. I can’t imagine how wonderful that would be. Take care of yourself and keep us posted.
Love and Hugs,
Gaile
You can do it. You are part of living again and that is a gift. It’s better to be busy than to be home worrying. You’ll be great! Just remember if it gets too overwhelming, talk to someone, we are always here for you!
Sonia